the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
