After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
