we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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