eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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