Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
