Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
