Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
you never un-have a 4some
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
