Pappa wants mamma naked
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
