I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
