do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
