is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
