I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
