I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
