That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Mom said you looked used
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
