You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
