thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
