I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have tasted many bathrooms
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
