He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i dont even know how to be here
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
