My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
