I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
do herpes really smell.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
