Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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