lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
