this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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