this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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