just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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