I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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