i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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