i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
