Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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