so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
