He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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