I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
