I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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