yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
