What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
