Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
