Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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