He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
