i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
