I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
