HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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