Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I touched a dick in church today
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
