so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
