My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
