he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
