I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
