I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
