I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
