Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
