They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
