i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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