I will die if light touches me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
