how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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