It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
